K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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