Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize