Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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