The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
