so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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