I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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