I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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