Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
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