Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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