Cold hands, warm shart.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize