Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
wow bdsm is so cute
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