You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
