i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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