We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
there is glitter all over my balls
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
