I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
