I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
And then he peed in my hair
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