No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Randomize
