I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
