cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
