i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
