I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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