I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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