why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
