If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
