I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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