Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
