Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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