Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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