It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
