I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
