So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
