How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize