Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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