I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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