these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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