PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
