tell your sister to shave her snatch
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize