Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
