its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
