That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
