hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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