I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
