so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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