just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You can't just leave with hair like that
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
