is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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