while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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