Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need moral support for this bender
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
