he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
