I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
