yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize