i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
