i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
