I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize