the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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