i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
