he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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