we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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