She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
