The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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