He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
someone owes me an orgasm
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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