honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
