At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
