so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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