I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
