I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
