Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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