I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
