Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
