It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
