If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So many bounce houses so little time
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
