Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
