And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize