Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
